Remedial Chaos Theory

In the Multiverse, the coin always comes up both heads and tails. A version of you sees heads and another version of you sees tails. If you look at that coin toss as deciding between a preferred outcome (heads, the good) and an undesirable outcome (tails, the bad) then one of you gets to experience the good while the other suffers the bad.

By the law of averages, most copies of you will live through some equitable mix of good and bad outcomes, but there is a path out there in which a version of you catches the bad end of every decision.

The all tails branch.

There’s also an all heads branch in which Lyndon Johnson abandoned Kennedy’s Indonesian adventurism, fired the best brains dullards from Harvard, and spent his 2.5 terms prosecuting the war on poverty and building The Great Society.

Nixon was never elected because he didn’t have the Vietnam War to campaign on. Reagan never sought national office because the Democrats didn’t raise taxes to pay for their war (something only Democrats do as Republicans are happy to let our grandchildren pay for their wars). The war criminal family of Bushes tended to their carpet bagging instead of infecting politics with their unique brand of folksy fascism.

But we’re not living in that branch. We’re in the branch that ends with a deranged game show host leading a death cult over the cliff because he’d rather burn America to the ground than go down alone.

So, yeah, welcome to the All Tails Branch, otherwise known as The Worst Timeline.

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