Neon Genesis Evangelion (Netflix dub)

NGE is an extremely popular anime, one whose brilliance its fans tout rather vociferously online, so you would have to be some kind of dolt not to like it.

Therefore, I present a list of reasons why I was not worthy to watch Neon Genesis Evangelion.

  1. Anime is known for dub artists who really turn the emotions up to 11. Therefore, turning it up to 22 should be twice as good. I apologize for my sensitive hearing that caused me to think Shinji and Asuka had been voiced by tortured cats.
  2. NGE is a foundational document in Anime, a seminal work that changed everything that came after. As a fan of Akira, Ghost in the Shell, and Cowboy Bepop, I am only an Anime tourist and had no right to attempt to drink from the fountain of the gods.
  3. As someone who grew up reading and loving the Heinlein juveniles, I should have been able to accept that, of course, they would put 14yos in charge of giant, hugely destructive mechs. I apologize for my lack of vision.
  4. I apologize for being confused by the scattered, chaotic references to Judaeo-Christianity coming from a country not traditionally known for its adherence to Judaeo-Christian teachings.
  5. I also apologize for repeatedly screaming out, “What the fuck do the Dead Sea Scrolls have to do with anything?”
  6. As a sometimes fan of Anime, I should have realized that its style is reductive and therefore should not have been bothered by an “animated” series being mostly still images talked over by characters we can’t see.
  7. I apologize for my lack of vision in not seeing how putting them into giant killing machines is the perfect therapy for emotionally disturbed tweens.
  8. I apologize for my silly western sensibility that thought sexualizing 8th graders was a hideous, Jared Fogle kind of thing to do.
  9. I apologize for writing this apology because I assume I shouldn’t have watched NGE in the first place. I think the strong support it gets from the community is because most people watch it when they themselves are fourteen when childish behavior, over emoting, and constant neediness wrapped up as existential philosophy seem quite normal.

I’m sorry.

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